HELLO to my old and new Reality Rambling readers! If you’re still out there, it’s been a HOT MINUTE since my last blog in 2019. A couple of kids later and I am back this year to talk nonsense recapping Australian Survivor with my fave saucy Spice Racker, Annabel. This season I’ll be slipping and sliding with my Top 7 castaways of the week, in no particular order. So let’s see who’s made it after 6 episodes of #SurvivorAU.
SLIDING SEVEN
WAI
Our first Chinese-American-Australian castaway. How I wish to have that spot… Wai has been slipping and sliding since day dot; from being perceived as physically weakest at challenges, to being saved by an advantage at first tribal (she never asked, but please bae, you would’ve been iconic first boot). The Brains have been able to avoid subsequent tribals until episode 6 where Wai was obviously thinking about letting George go. She’s ready to sever ties and lead her own path. Some may say it was idiocy, but I say GO GIRL. She didn’t bow down to the pressure of forever indebtedness to George. Yes it may seem she jumped from a top minority to a bottom majority, but with a swap imminent there’s plenty of room to move in the game. Let’s just hope George doesn’t hold a grudge (oh, he will). Also, let’s not forget Wai has been smashing out the puzzles helping the Brains tribe win immunities! So much to love here.
JOEY
I’m trying to put aside his sudden emergence of Luke Toki behaviour in his confessionals (it’s actually annoying haha), but Joey has really risen to the top of the Brains tribe. Joey’s been pivotal in winning the physical challenges and forging an alliance with “the quiet three”, in Andrew, Georgia and Laura (like really, who are they?! Laura is a babe but!). After throwing Dr Mitch under the bus, he was able to nab Rachel and Hayley to vote out their arch nemesis and Brain stain, George. When he brought up bringing in Wai as their 7th vote I was like, WHAAT? NO WAI MAN, but he obviously has a better read on the tribe than me, and his plan went through perfectly. Come merge, which I’m sure he’ll make, it will be interesting if the Brawns target him early.
HAYLEY
Subtlety is the key in the early days of Australian Survivor and it’s working well for Hayley! We’ve seen her partner in crime, Rachel, have run ins with George, whereas Hayley has been laying back watching all the chaos, bucket of popcorn in hand. She’s been able to maintain good relationships across the tribe, and has cemented her role in challenges. Remember when she kicked ass against an MMA fighter? Phwoar! And the see-saw challenge with Baden was A-Plus! In saying all that, we haven’t really seen Hayley in confessionals or narrate any storylines, so I’m just hoping it’s just early days for this queen.
SIMON
I love him, I love him not, I love him, I love him not. Simon is playing Survivor at a faster pace than any other (remember Bae-K?!). He’s a Survivor superfan with only ONE focus – to win! He may have a huge ego, but when you have abs like that… hot dayum! He’s got two idols in his pocket and another one planted just for him I’m sure. Speaking of ego, Simon is nowhere near as vomit-worthy as his bro, Emmett. If he was he’d never make this list. It’s no surprise Simon made relationships early as he’s a charmer, albeit them being so predictable. Emmett, Dani and Chelsea are all strong and burly, and I do wonder if Simon realises he’s the biggest meat shield of them all. Simon’s journey has been impressive so far and his work ethic in pumping out those physical challenges have been stellar to watch! His ability to get Shannon on side to work with him for the Benny vote was brilliant, and it was fun seeing him squirm and show some humility after realising he wasn’t in control after Gavin’s vote out. Every season we need a player like Simon who has a never-say-die attitude, and grit and determination to keep playing until they drop. Simon is that guy!
GERALD
One of the more humble characters on the Brawn tribe, Gerald has quickly become a fan favourite! He’s a mega dude who knows how to chop wood (I swear I have seen him on the STIHL Timbersports competitions on TV), and has also shown his funny and softer side, especially at the reward where he spoke lovingly of his sister. TEARS!! <3 What I like about Gerald is that, similar to Hayley, he’s being subtle with his gameplay and has shown awareness of his tribemates. From the way he handled Benny spilling the beans to Dani, to spying Simon’s ‘secret’ idol, he’s been able to use information wisely. And even though the new not-mean girls in Shannon, Kez and Flick seem to be in control of their alliance, Gerald is actively participating and driving conversations.
FLICK
One to watch! Who doesn’t love a Flick on Survivor?! I’ll even throw Flicka from Cook Islands in there; she was likeable too right?! Surfer Flick has found herself in a great position, in a solid alliance and I just see her cruising into Final 8 to be honest. On one side she has Shannon, who is seen as the ring-leader by the other Brawnies and is a much bigger target. And on the otherside is Kez, who has already been thrown under the bus by Daini once due to her idol. Then there’s Flick sitting all pretty ready to pounce. She was approached by Simon and his bro club early on (trying to reel in a dumb blonde eh??), and thank goodness she declined. I think she has the socials and smarts to manuevre this game and will be able to create new bonds as we head into merge. I’m excited to see Flick kickass!
GEORGE
Macedonian Jesus is working tirelessly to save King George’s butt this season. When he is finally booted you’ll know MJ was ready to sacrifice a lamb. We are only 6 episodes in this long haul flight and I am bloody exhausted with George’s storyline. Don’t get me wrong, he really is the epitomy of perfect Reality TV casting, but F*CK, it’s more dramatic than Bold and the Beautiful at this point! But just like all dramas, we can’t stop watching! George IS playing the game, albeit it’s the only game he thinks should be played. I really do think he is aware of how he’s coming across, but is just too much in his own head to combat it. He’s shown he can be stealth, especially finding Baden’s idol, and stepped up in challenge puzzles when he’s begged to be part of them, haha. From what we’ve seen so far my feelings towards George have flipped constantly between episodes which is probably not great for anyone’s mental state. But what can we do? We ask for great TV. Also his relationship with Cara is fecking beautiful – we love to see it! One final thing, #FunFact: to those who are sick of hearing about Bankstown, I had the best kabob I’ve ever eaten in there, so I give kudos!
THE SPICE RACK
I could not be more stoked to have my Survivor-wife Lyndz back. Call it loved-ones-visit on Day 6, but I am sobbing. Putting her husband and needy children aside, Lyndz can now recommit herself to her sexy side-piece and our much cuter baby: hard-hitting, intelligent, and thought-provoking strategic analysis of Survivor. Also crush-picks. So without further ado, I present to you Contestants from Australian Survivor Brains vs Brawn as Toxic COVID-Era Coping Mechanisms.
Forming an overly intense obsession with the Tinder match
you will almost certainly never meet –
FLICK
Okay this is less Flick, and more me when I think about Flick. I am obsessed. You could describe it as overly intense. I wouldn’t, but you might. Everyone wants to work with her, but she only vibes with who she vibes with. She gets to sleep next to Gerald every night and plays it totally cool. In my imagination she has a showmance with Kez and they ask me if I want to move in with them. The answer is yes. Current no.1 crush-pick.
Adopting a dog completely ill-suited to your non-COVID lifestyle, never training it,
and never exposing it to other dogs –
GEORGE
Obviously Doug, George’s Maltese Terrier, is absolutely flawless and not one of these dogs. But you have seen these dogs out and about in between lockdowns. I saw one last night at the bar and it tried to bite the nose off the bar owner. Cute, filling the void in your otherwise boring life, George is there for us when we need him. But also absolute chaos, and no-one is coming out of this unscathed.
Getting really jacked and losing heaps of weight
while everyone else settles into a comfy pizza habit –
SIMON
It just seems to all fall into the lap of some people, doesn’t it? Now I’m sure your lockdown fitness journey was truly inspirational and not cause for a mental health intervention from your friends. At least, fairly certain. But you draw a lot of attention to yourself, and some people may be resentful rather than delighted/concerned for you. SOME PEOPLE. In Simon’s case, most of his tribe. He better hope Cara is a sucker for abs.
Reading horoscope memes instead of attending Zoom-therapy –
GEORGIA
Casting the psychologist as therapy-avoidance might be a little on the nose, but insisting to George she was there for emotional support rather than stalking him is very my ex boyfriend, and also horoscope memes. Co-star says I should avoid wearing stripes today, and that is more actionable advice than my therapists suggestion I try getting my thrills from extreme sports.
Getting sucked into a Youtube rabbit-hole that started with workout videos,
but now you believe we are experiencing the second fall of Atlantis,
and there is a globalist conspiracy –
DAINI
Oh Daini, you beautiful dummy. This metaphor speaks for itself, really. As the unintentional Spicy Ambassador of this blog, we stand behind Daini, but would also like to clarify we in no way endorse his actions or beliefs.
Getting acrylic nails even though it is super high risk
and you might end up with 6-week regrowth –
CARA
The Long Nails Lifestyle Queen herself. I want to be her. Risking eyelash extensions when you could be stuck out there months without refills is the kind of extreme sport I assume my therapist was referring to. Giving your idol to George knowing it means you will be send home only to be miraculously saved by a non-elimination and sent to the tribe full of hot guys is the kind of luck only afforded to LNL Legends. We stan.
Please share your crush picks with me! Poised and ready to anoint the pre-merge Crush Pick any week now
Blog by Lynda Olson. Guest writer Annabel Clair.
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