How good has this season been?! It’s been absolutely wild!! Honesty, what a hilarious clusterfuck it’s been so far. I can’t wait to see what happens each episode; whether someone cooks a vote, or shows us their brilliant strategy. Here’s my Sliding Seven of the week and God forbid if I can remember what happened, BECAUSE A LOT HAPPENED. And Annabel is back with her Spice Rack. Unlike Georgia, we ALMOST took Survivor Sick Leave this week, but decided to stick it out, so let’s see where our heads are at after week 3.

SLIDING SEVEN

HAYLEY

Hayley, where do I even begin?! All praise our strategy queen of Season 2021! We are so blessed to have her on our screens. Hayley easily makes my Sliding Seven and I continue my stanning from last weeks blog. I mentioned she was subtle in those first six episodes, laying her foundations and building relationships with everyone on the Brains. And in episode 7 she blew our screens up (and minds, and ovaries) with her boss move against Joey. In many cases people are too scared to go for the head of the snake, but Hayley had the numbers and balls to make the move. It was beautiful! In three episodes Hayley was able to gather all the Brain minorities to vote out the head of majority (which Dani said was a ‘dumb move’, please bish); went into a tribe swap as the minority with her mates Wai and Baden (and loyal Brain, Andrew); found a public idol at an immunity challenge which was not flushed out by either pre or post swap tribes; used said public idol as a coin to make the Brawns squirm and turn on their own; and still, somehow, is not seen as a threat! In confessionals Hayley’s calling the shots, but to everyone else she’s included Baden as her wingman. It’s brilliant. Amongst all the chaos this cast has brought it’s nice to see someone execute some bold moves.

GEORGE

How many lives does King George have?! We’ve had a swap and somehow George has come away unscathed and is actually liked by his new Brains tribe. Who knew George and Emmett would be mates?! Maybe the good karma from his save advantage has come into play. The tribe swap came at the perfect time, reuniting with Saint Cara and making some new Brawn friends. George was in his element when he realised he could start scheming with people who actually wanted to work with him. It’s such a shame they are no good with numbers or simple Survivor strategy. Oy vey! As I watched I don’t think he could’ve been any clearer – if only he could write down everyone’s vote for them! Nevertheless, George had a great week and isn’t even on the radar at the moment. And with Laura saved we’ll see him for days to come… Lucky us! 😛

LAURA

We stan a queen who randomly finds string idols after finding themselves in a minority! *shifty eyes*. Laura was sitting pretty in her alliance with Joey until the wrath of Hayley ruined their plans. Not-so-hidden idol aside, Laura was quick to gather her troop of three and worked on the rest of the new Brains to see if there were any cracks. She ended up targetting Big D for ‘only being useful at lifting heavy things’ which was just a pleasure to see. Laura played her idol correctly at tribal (Rachel says thanks!) and probably secretly knew George and his possie were dumbdumbs and would screw things up for themselves… OK, OK, a lot of luck was thrown Laura’s way, including the episode 9 tribal where Wai and Emmett decided to save her (RIP Shannon). But I can’t help but root for her. Sure she was part of a cocky Brains alliance, but I reckon there’s more grit and gameplay in her to come!

SIMON

I’ve been super impressed with Simon this week. He managed to make the tribe swap with his two closest allies Dani and Chelsea (both very much pre-menopausal) and convinced his new Brawns tribe to target the biggest female alpha in Shannon – which I didn’t see coming (tears). Simon really should have been the target! Nevertheless, he obviously is more capably social than we’ve seen (other than the scenes showing his inability to speak to women haha) and he was able to convert Wai and Emmett’s votes easily at tribal. This superfan may have some haters, but I’m not one of them! With a constant red target on his back I’m sure Simon will be dodging bullets in episodes to come. He’s like George, loveable, but nicer to look at and less annoying xD

RACHEL

I have to give a hand to Rachel for having a pretty good week considering what went down. Rachel went from top of the mountain with voting against Joey, to a tiny mound hill on the new Brains tribe… Laura’s idol saving her and Cara’s fuck up saving her alliance and then winning immunity at the challenge was icing on the cake for a tough week in Cloncurry! Nothing beats a good BBQ feast and Rachel deserved it, even if she had to share it with grubby Emmett (sorry Annabel). She is well and truly still on the outs though with her age and perceived weakness, however we need more Rachels in Survivor! Cheering on our lesbian mumma!!

WAI

Winner, winner, chicken dinnerI!! How awesome is Wai’s journey? From the Brain’s puzzle queen to the brawniest of the Brawns, Wai’s had a pretty special Survivor ride so far and she’s grown so much as a player. Wai has well and truly moved on from ‘being saved’ by George and is paving her own way through the game. She landed on a very accepting and encouraging Brawns tribe (which has been so evident at challenges), won a joint immunity and became pivotal in a huge vote against Shannon… I mean, I would’ve loved to have seen her stick with her Laura vote and watching them fight with fire, but I understand the decision. I think Wai is more liked than viewers think and she’s been fun to watch thus far. I’m just praying other players don’t see her as a pawn or ‘goat’ (not the good kind) to take to the end, but I’d like to think she can overcome that label. Let’s go Wai, power player!

GERALD

Honestly, I wasn’t sure who to give my 7th spot to (in no particular order of course), but I have to give it to Gerald again (was a close one with Baden). He had a relatively quiet week and has not been under any pressure – other than trying to decipher George’s 3-3-3 voting strategy. OH and that reward challenge where he blamed himself for Brawn losing. That was a tough one to swallow for Gerald. WE STILL LOVE YOU, G! Like last week, I think Gerald is sitting in a great spot in a seemingly solid alliance and he’s not seen as a threat at all. He has his mate Kez on Brains and I’m hoping when merge hits they can buddy up with Flick again (she better still be around)!

THE SPICE RACK

What a week babes, what a WEEK! At times it was satisfying, gut wrenching… confusing. And at all times I was off my tits on painkillers with a throat infection so please bear with me if I am hazy on the details. That said, not the worst illness could kill my thirst for beautiful Survivor players being a total hot mess and accidentally blindsiding each other. We could all use a little pick me up, so this week’s Spice Rack theme is Crushes as Messy Things That Spark Joy.

Ludicrously expensive pizza that is just so fancy and delicious –
CARA

George said it – what an absolute icon. Made a minor major mistake? Doesn’t matter, iconic. Bringing up the mistake at the challenge? Great move, iconic. Getting the vote wrong and still making it through the next vote? I-C-O-N-I-C. Cara is the epitome of Long Nails Lifestyle and we stan.

When you make brilliant call that is such a harsh, on-the-nose -roast it could potentially ruin your friendship but your friend screams with laughter instead of bursting into tears –
HAYLEY

Hayley really came to life this week – while smugly telling anyone who would listen that she was my preseason winner pick, I was very put out to find the rest of Twitter seemed to have had the same take too. Rude. In a Gabon-esque season of insane characters, and moves so questionable they beg belief, Hayley is the shiny beacon of occasional sense – brutally destroying the rest of the cast, and we love to see it.

Eating oysters because they are extremely glamorous and ‘technically’ they are vegan, but then discovering you are allergic to them –
EMMETT

I unashamedly adore Emmett. Back the hell off with your cold Aldi-David takes. David could never wear disgustingly (deliciously) slutty bike shorts like that. Emmett seamlessly melds the beautiful hot mess of Byron Bay with Bayside Bro. When I look at him, I am reminded that three times this year I have lustily downed oysters, and three times have spent the night with my head in the toilet bowl. Because some things are just worth it.

Agreeing to go for a bike ride with your hot date even though you can’t ride a bike, and you have not disclosed this information, but in your defence they are really hot –
WAI

Wai, a precious otter on her back, clutching her oyster (be careful with those). Flick swimming her to shore. Wai literally living out my fan fiction fantasy. I love you.

When you know you are the most fit and fabulous person in the room and you can’t stop yourself from drawing attention to it –
FLICK

Flick is my BvB crush pick, I think I am ready to lock it in. I will need to consult my former crush picks to make sure they are comfortable welcoming her into the squad, but frankly, if they aren’t we will drown them.

BOOMER GLOSSARY:

Back by popular demand (one single request) here is the Boomer Glossary, translating my possibly incomprehensible screams into the void into language you can understand.

Off my tits: inebriated, high, far gone down the rabbit hole of intoxication. But boobs because we all love titties.

Spark joy: popularised by Marie Kondo. A feeling of elation.

Long Nails Lifestyle: having long acrylic nails is more than just a beauty practice, it is an ethos, a philosophical stance – a way of life. In the words of my LNL mentor (my nail technician): “Some b****es come in here and they want the long nails, but they aren’t prepared to live the Long Nails Lifestyle. You want nails? Okay b****. I don’t wanna see you cleaning, I don’t wanna see you washing dishes, I sure as hell don’t wanna hear you’ve been gardening or moving sh** around the house. You want the long nails, you gotta live the Long Nails Lifestyle baby.”
I now have this bible verse tattooed on me.

Blog by Lynda Olson. Guest writer Annabel Clair.

ALL IMAGES USED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE COPYRIGHT CHANNEL TEN & ENDEMOL SHINE. THIS IS A PERSONAL BLOG AND ALL GIFS AND VIEWS ARE MY OWN.