I have a love-hate relationship with Australian Survivor. This season has a fantastic cast and they turn it into a hot mess with all the twists. It gets so confusing sometimes I forget if JLP even knows what’s happening! This week my Internet has decided to throw me a twist and won’t upload images, so apologies for the wordy content. And as always make sure you read Annabel’s Spice Rack below, because rumour has it, it’s the best one yet!
SLIDING SEVEN
BADEN
The man of few words. There was more than meets the eye with Baden, and I’m so glad we got to hear him speak in his last week of Survivor. From what we were shown, he was right up there with Hayley in terms of strategy and most definitely her 2IC. Hell for all we know he was using her as a meat shield! Baden let her call the shots, but also stuck to his guns and was honest to everyone about how he felt. Sure, he’s not the stealthiest player (“HE’S GOT TWO IDOLS”), however, he’s loyal and can’t stand ‘goats’, or ‘passengers’, as he explains in his Jury Villa video. Baden roasting the likes of Gerald, Laura and Emmett was absolute gold! A must watch! Haha. Sad to lose him, but a potential vote for Hayley, so win-win! <3
DANI
Now, I am a huge fan of prison shows – Wentworth, OITNB, Girls Incarcerated, Making a Murderer, Beyond Scared Straight (thought it was a queer show – wrong!) – and Dani would’ve been cast as that intimidating, fearless, Top-Dog inmate ready to give you a hotshot the second you even gave her reason to hate you. But in real life Dani is on the opposite side, a corrections officer… Damn. Kidding, kidding. As Dani mentioned this week she’s not playing an emotional game, but girl, we see you. There’s some heart there after those talks with Hayley. After her fire-making win I am even more invested in Dani’s game as she continues her rein to become FIRE QUEEN (aww yeah!!) and use Emmett as a meat shield. She probably has the best route to the end at this point!
EMMETT
OK, last week I said Emmett would slide out of my 7, but bloody hell he’s stuck around like his bad pair of green lycra shorts. The plant-based superman has won THREE immunity challenges now and it’s time for someone to knock him off his perch. It’s a very impressive feat and keeping him around I can see him making it to the end (vom). But as Baden claims, Emmett has ZERO game. Emmett is all about straight-forward voting and needs someone like Dani or George by his side. I have to give it to him though, as he’s sitting pretty with safety in idol necklaces he’s loving the drama going on around camp as much as we do!
GEORGE
The ‘cockaroach’ that never dies. George spoke like a true politician this week when Hayley outed him as a mole and he explained himself in a roundabout way without actually answering a question! For what was a simple yes/no answer there was a lot of bullshit in the middle. Nevertheless, George has proven his strategic prowess and has played one of the best games all season. It has been frustrating to watch King George and Queen Hayley feuding though. It hurts my heart!!
FLICK
Our resident Bicon (Bi-icon) Flick is riding the waves of merge and barely on anyone’s radar. AND she’s in possession of Kez’ post-boot idol! I have to apologise to Flick for hating on her last week when she swiped left on Hayley to rejoin her Brawn mates. But, she did say she DOES want to (maybe) date work with her in the future, so we can only hope!! Flick doesn’t have to do a thing whilst watching the others implode their games, it’s great! I’m all for Flick to make F2 right now, but is she game-savvy enough? Time will tell.
WAI
The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling. I really need to read this book. How many dumplings did Wai consume before heading out to Survivor? George may have Macedonian Jesus, but Wai’s dumpling powers got her through to the TOP 10, BABY!! I won’t go too deep into Wai’s journey, as Annabel pretty much sums it up below. I’ve just been so impressed with Wai and how she’s handled herself going from a high at nuBrawn, to the lows of finding herself back in the minority at merge. Having the balls to speak up at tribal and back her fellow Brainmate, Hayley, but knowing it’s best to stick with majority and vote her out anyway is truly inspiring.
HAYLEY
Hayley was burnt at the stake, but has risen from the ashes! Now an immediate threat in the game, Hayley has gone all out guns ablazin’, throwing King George under the bus and spreading everyone’s secrets around camp. LOVE TO SEE IT. Now that she’s back in the game she either has the choice of going even harder, knowing she’s got a constant target on her back and finding a way to become less of a threat… Time to throw some more peeps under the bus methinks 😉 Maybe Hayley isn’t such a threat to people’s end game with the likes of Emmett and Dani around. Or does she target someone quieter and likeable like Laura or Andrew? I’m ready for her next move. CHECK. MATE.
THE SPICE RACK
I live my life by two ancient philosophies, fondly shortened to their acronyms LNL and GYA. After the controversial and at times devastating events this week, I feel compelled to contribute to the greater good of the Survivor community. Let me help you improve your life through these belief-systems, explained to you through the lens of SurvivorAU Brains vs Brawn.
Recap: LNL
I touched on LNL in a previous blog post this season – the Long Nail Lifestyle. LNL is a philosophy all about what you should not do, activities you should refrain from at all costs. These include, but are not limited to, hand washing dishes, gardening, manual labour, and carrying your own groceries.
The Long Nails Lifestyle has been perfectly exemplified by iconic duo Cara & George this season. Rocking up with a full-set and having your partner-in-crime do all the dirty work = LNL. Having someone else hand wash your knickers while you stand there in your custom-made shirt featuring your small white dog = LNL. I feel comfortable that you all understand this philosophy.
That said, GYA – Grow Your Ass – cannot be forgotten, it is the complementary lifestyle to LNL. GYA is a proactive philosophy – it is all about what you should do, how you should go about your day to day life. LNL and GYA were handed down to me by respected elders and mentors of the philosophies – specifically my nail technician and a former lover with a particularly great butt. I consider it my duty to educate you as well. GYA is more than just amassing an enormous tushy (though this is important), it is an attitude, and I will be awarding our contestants who best represent each of the three key GYA attributes.
GROW
‘Grow’ is all about the journey – the constant drive to better yourself (and your bum). It is what your toxic HR representative calls ‘failing-forward.’ In Survivor, it is often a very clear edit.
Winner: WAI – No one is getting the growth-arc quite like Wai. From nearly the first one out, then telling George where to stick it, all the way to backing Hayley at tribal council while still fully intending to vote her out. Don’t be shocked when Wai wins individual immunity, simply look to her glutes.
Runner-up: DANI – Coming almost out of nowhere, Dani has emerged as a player with agency, and now grieving her GYA partner-in-crime Chelsea. It isn’t Growth without pain, and I suspect next week we will see Dani fully strut out of the chrysalis ready to take control.
YOUR
‘Your’ is all about YOU. It is about self-preservation, knowing your value, and being the centre of attention.
Winner: HAYLEY – Hayley is better than you. She would never tell you this, I am telling you this. She is better than me. She must be protected at all costs, and fortunately she isn’t afraid to throw everything at the wall to do so. One of five people receiving screen-time, and the only one with a consistent, cohesive strategy – she is the perky perfect MVP of this season.
Runner up: GEORGE – George is first and foremost an LNL icon, but he also has what it takes to truly GYA – perhaps the only one. I will have to reach out to him and ask if he wants to be my mentee. George is hanging in there by a thread, but he knows it is a golden thread, and it certainly shines the brightest.
ASS
Arguably the most important tenet of the GYA faith, ‘Ass’ is the absolute assuredness it takes to get the job done. You don’t doubt yourself, you don’t question, you do.
Winner: EMMETT – Has there ever been a day in Emmett’s life he hasn’t been the total embodiment of Ass? Always smiling, always confident – he will wait at the finish line before crossing it just to make sure he sees your face as he wins. Emmett is out to prove to the world that plant-based superhuman’s don’t just tell you they are better (and they will), they really are.
Runner up: LAURA – George may call himself the ‘cockaroach’ but it is Laura who will just not die. She hasn’t caught a break since Joey was voted out all those years ago, but you don’t see her crying in the corner – she is back out there, ready to be nearly-voted-out all over again.
Blog by Lynda Olson. Guest writer Annabel Claire.
ALL IMAGES USED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE COPYRIGHT CHANNEL TEN & ENDEMOL SHINE. THIS IS A PERSONAL BLOG AND ALL GIFS AND VIEWS ARE MY OWN.
