Great to see my cast assessment is going down the toilet! This week I’m excited to have my old mate back (and the greatest Survivor fan from Brissy, not bias) Julian Groneberg, and Annabel Fidler continues her run with the Spice Rack USA!
Days 4-6
LEVU CAMP. Post tribal and Chrissy is relishing in the fire crackers on her tribe (see CRAZIES), she also mentions maybe using her Super Idol as a decoy idol in future, YOU GO GURL!! Alan is stoked he tried to convince the tribe that Ashley and JP are a power couple; he is creating ALL THE DRAMA! Just keep digging that hole, Alan 😉
YAWA CAMP. Ryan talks about the Hustler tribe really hustling on the tribe, and we see EVERYONE helping around camp… Except Simone, who’s doing the important job of swatting flies away. And things just get worse.
Ryan, out of all people, calls Simone weird! So rude, Ryan. Haha, and with that Simone rocks up from the beach and is SO excited to tell everyone she’s done an Aqua Dump!
With this introduction to Survivor, it already spells the end of Simone’s game, and really, how can you come back from an Aqua Dump?! We saw it with Darnell in Kaoh Rong and that ended badly too. Simone comes across as a ditzy blonde without air conditioning and tries to do her best to help around camp. At least she came out of this knowing how to gut a fish, right?! Ali (who is my clear favourite right now) is scoping out Simone as a potential ally and confidant moving forward in the game. If only!!
SOKO CAMP. Cole and Jessica sitting in a tree… We really do not need another Taylor and Figgy, but these youngens just can’t help themselves!
Joe doesn’t trust Dr Mike, but they agree they are the “ugly” ones of the Healers tribe; aww c’mon guys! Joe tries to find ways to leave camp to find the idol. When the coast is clear, he goes for a Tony (Vlachos) dash through the jungle.
Joe finds a marked clue on a tree, which he thinks is a raft in the ocean, so he automatically assumes Cole knows about it because he’s been on the raft for HOURS, staring at Jessica no doubt. Cole takes a look and within seconds realises the symbol is the water well on the camp map. Great work, Cole! Joe finds it and it’s a done deal. Of course Joe gets to keep it and these two macho men will go into battle soon enough. Ssh, secrets!
LEVU CAMP. JP has a successful fishing expedition and he decides to break Ashley’s heart and puts their relationship on the back burner. Chrissy wants to make a pact with Ben and thinks he would be a very good, unsuspecting ally. Just like her daily job as an actuary (is she going to bring it up every episode?) Chrissy makes the rounds and collects and analyses her data. I’m totally shipping Cowboy Ben and Chrissy right now!
YAWA CAMP. Patrick catches a crab and goes all cray in Lauren’s face! Hilarious! We also hear Patrick’s absolutely appalling attempt, which he thinks is awesome, at the Australian accent and he’s not even that funny. AWKWARD. Lauren is sooo over Patrick and she can’t cope with him acting like a baby. Is just me or does Lauren give anyone else Mama June (Here Comes Honey Boo Boo) vibes?!
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
EPIC SIGNPOST PUZZLE ALERT: the sign posts have locations that Survivor has visited over the years – Someone bid on it for me at the Survivor auction post season, please! Along with Immunity is an ULTIMATE fishing kit reward. Not sure what makes it the ultimate though. The Hustlers actually look set to win this thing and the Healers fall behind. Before you can blink twice, the Healers make an epic comeback and win Immunity! Ali and Simone struggle on the puzzle for the Hustlers and are sent to Tribal once again.
TRIBAL COUNCIL
Simone realises she’s the easy vote and tries to sway people to vote for Patrick. On the flip side, Patrick has Devon, Ryan and his University mate, Ali on his side. If people weren’t aware, Ali and Patrick went to the same school and lived across the road from each other, of course you would side with someone you knew, especially early on in the game. Ali is still weighing up her options, to keep Simone who is easy to control for long term game, or Patrick who is unpredictable but a physical asset in challenges.
Lauren says the Hustlers normally work alone and they’re the oddest tribe of the bunch; I couldn’t agree more, this tribe is WEIRD, bar Ali. Simone talks about building a solid foundation and trust in people. Patrick says he can trust MOST of the people in this tribe, he back tracks saying he meant ALL. *eyeroll* In the end poor Simone is sent packing with little to show but her being able to poo in the ocean 🙁 And the track record for Asian women is still less than average… Ha! Simone-4, Patrick-1.
SURVIVOR JULIANS THOUGHTS
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After an underwhelming premiere where it really felt like we saw very little, the second episode of the season picked up the pace as we started to see couples form. Chrissy and Ben who are the anti power couple as their duo is kept firmly under wraps from the others, Cole and Jessica as the likely ‘showmance’ of the season, and on the Healers tribe the further solidification of the bromance of Devon and Ryan.
While we saw couples pairing off, there definitely was tension developing between Joe and his tribe. His aggressive style and “I’m your Daddy” persona is definitely going to put off the rest of the Healers. While Mike might be a strategic threat, he’s ultimately likeable, whereas Joe is far more threatening. Also on the Healers tribe, Cole definitely made the wrong move assisting Joe to read the clue. He should have kept the information to himself, but I honestly believe it happened too quickly for him to think. Joe is the type of player that confronts others and puts them on the spot, so you can’t fault Cole completely for not thinking it through. But the whole thing really just exposed the intensity and aggression of Joe, and based on next weeks preview, it really looks like Joe’s days are numbered. He really better hope for a tribe swap and soon; at least he has an idol. It looks like Joe is going to feel threatened that Cole knows about his idol and try to get him out. Fortunately, sexy Cole definitely has the backing of his tribe mates more than Joe. Oh also, Joe, for goddsakes, pull your pants up!
Patrick definitely got the Do-do annoying edit, but ultimately he was too valuable to dispose of. Sadly the same could not be said for Simone. A player like Simone was always going to be in a tough spot early on if her tribe went to tribal council. A city chick, not very outdoorsy, she could hustle all she liked, but ultimately the tribe made the right choice. Ali definitely is being set up well as the go to person on the Hustlers tribe that everyone wants to confide in. She seems rational, and I can see her going far.
Just one more episode and it seems like we’ll really have a better sense of who these people are. Even though we saw the Hustlers lose this round, I can see the Heroes being the LUZON (see Survivor Cagayan) on the season. Alan, Ashley and JP are all too fractured and I don’t see the tribe working together well in future episodes, despite their apparent strength.
SPICE RACK USA: WEEK TWO
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It’s only week two, and I have already lost a crush pick. I was pretty heartbroken for a couple of days, but don’t worry, I have already moved on. However, anyone who wants to come for my gorgeous, sassy princess Simone should get a six-pack and re-evaluate their lives. I won’t hear a word against her! Don’t ever say I am incapable of maintaining a healthy, if distant, relationship with my exes. Today in the Spice Rack I continue to swoon over Joe (NB: the SR will probably be an ongoing love letter until, Godforbid, he goes home) and announce two new crushes.
Let’s start with that idol find, because I am sure I wasn’t the only one with my heart fluttering. Maybe you had a normie crush on Cole, maybe you are just a little too into treasure finding. Joe reassures us that he ‘can accomplish a lotta things in a small time,’ but I’m not put off, if anything I’m more excited. Cauliflower Cole proudly tells the camera that he is an enabler, and loves to help people accomplish their goals. If only he was truly committed to seeing Joe win the million, but it looks like that will all go downhill next week. This leaves Roark, Desi, and Dr Mike to decide between the new mayonnaise couple, or the hottest man to play the game (in the USA, it would be unfair to compare them to Aussies). Will Mike continue to feel victimised? Or will he realise that the tightness in his chest is actually just sexual tension.
Speaking of incredibly spicy showmances we will never get to see, Simone and Ali were temporarily the sexiest faux-alliance of the season. I don’t need to point out that Ali is unbelievably gorgeous, but coming into the season I felt like she may be a little normie. I WAS WRONG. She is so smart, she’s at the centre of the Hustlers strategy moving forward, and so far, looks the most likely to squish Ryan. So basically the whole package. Alas, she opted to stick with space-cadet Patrick (who has the worst Aussie accent I’ve heard to date, and that is really saying something) over Simone, which was a real blow to any of us hoping for more one-liners.
Meanwhile, I am also falling in love over on the Heroes beach. Surprise, surprise, it isn’t JP. I swear most people have better conversational skills when they are almost passed out than JP has completely sober. But Chrissy, on the other hand, is a beautiful, intelligent, super mum with the most intimidating set of veneers I have ever seen. Unless those are her original teeth, in which case I am even more intimidated. I love her.
Glossary
My lingo can be difficult for other Aussies to grasp at the best of times, so I will try and translate here for you.
Normie: normal, mainstream, boring, marjoram is a gateway drug, ‘allergic’ to chili, thinks Joe Anglim is the hottest Joe.
Space-cadet: technically human but clearly not from this universe, or just did too much acid.
Blog by Lynda Olson. Guest writers; Julian Groneberg and Annabel Fidler.
ALL IMAGES USED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE COPYRIGHT CBS. THIS IS A PERSONAL BLOG AND ALL GIFS AND VIEWS ARE MY OWN.
